What The Butler Saw

Is it just me, or is there something of a furtive put-down in the email sign-off 'Kind regards'?

When someone uses these words, are they really saying: 'I'm not going to send you my 'Best regards' because you don't deserve them'?

'Kind regards' is something people write when they want to convey a certain formality and qualification of warmth. It's unimpeachably courteous so they can't be accused of rudeness, yet it only seems to crop up occasionally, and then in emails where there is a hint of unresolved tension.

Then of course you can go one step further and end with a curt 'Regards'.

If I get an email signed just 'Regards' I definitely feel insulted, or at least wonder if the person who wrote to me is lacking in social graces.

So, in my own emails I don't use these two endings at all, except, very occasionally, as a subtle way of distancing myself from my recipient in some way because they've been incredibly rude or unhelpful.

The worst is when someone you thought you were quite friendly with suddenly starts using frosty 'Kind regards'. You know then you've done something to really piss them off!

My standard end greeting is 'Best wishes', 'All the best,' or if I need to be more formal, 'Best regards'. (I avoid plain 'Best' as I think it can read as 'I can't be bothered to find an extra second to type 'wishes' so you're not worth much of my time'. But then again, people are busy and I don't think 'Best' on its own is anything like as cold as 'Kind regards'.)

'Kindest regards' I put in a far higher category than 'Kind regards'. It is very polite, in my opinion.

My favourite is 'Warm regards' or 'Warmly' but I am a little hesitant about these since they can come across as over-friendly, I fear.

Then there is the practice of ending with one to three kisses after your name. I don't know how common this is in other industries, but in the UK media it's very normal, at least between women, to send kisses to someone you've never met or spoken to, someone you've only emailed back and forth a few times in business. I know a lot of people refuse to jump on this bandwagon, but I admit to using kisses a lot because they are a way of signalling real friendliness. When an editor signs an email to me with kisses I always feel happy!

The only time email kisses can freak me out is when a man I'm not friends with sends them, because you have to stop and wonder if they're being flirtatious, but it's almost always just them being friendly.

Warmest regards,

Olivia xxx